And that’s when I get it. The worst thing we can possibly do in situations like this is make men feel uncomfortable. Acknowledging the enormity of male violence, the staggering scale of entitlement, would require a change in perspective so massive that it’s easier just to shut up and not talk about it, and isolate anyone who does. We don’t want to hear it.

It can be terribly uncomfortable for men to hear about misogyny, particularly their own. Unfortunately for them, as soon as they start to think and speak about gender they often run into one awful, unshakeable fact: how much men as a whole have hurt women. That means that it’s hugely difficult for men to talk about masculinity without coming to terms with how frightening and aggressive masculinity in its modern form has come to be. It’s frightening. It’s going to hurt.

Here’s what I’d like to say to those men. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay not to know what you’re supposed to be, or how you’re supposed to behave. You’re not allowed to question what it means to be a man, or even raise the possibility that there might be a question to ask, because if you did, if anyone did, then we might get answers. We might discover that what we all liked to think of as ‘masculinity’ is in fact a front, that ‘masculinity’ is actually fragile, and vulnerable, and hurting, and nothing more than human.


— Laurie Penny


I started hating every day. I hated seeing the sun rise. I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other and I wanted to put a butcher’s knife into my heart behind my ribs. I was very lonely. I was consumed by grief and sorrow until I was lucky enough to become numb. I thought I could resist by not dying, but that might be too hard and maybe I was too old and too tired and couldn’t do it any more. My body was a curse and had betrayed me. I couldn’t figure out why they would want to do this and why they would want to do it to me.

I couldn’t be consoled. I couldn’t talk to anyone. How could I say the words to the people I loved, most of whom work precisely to stop violence against women: this is what he, someone or they, did to me. Yeah, I know I represent something to you, but really I’m a piece of crap because I just got raped. No, no, you’re not a piece of crap when you get raped, but I am. John looked for any other explanation than rape. He abandoned me emotionally. Now a year has passed and sometimes he’s with me in his heart and sometimes not.


— Andrea Dworkin

"Where I come from, we don’t like losing, It’s a matter of fact. We don’t like that."

Jose Abreu

via csnchicago

(via mightyflynn)


Here’s the thing, a lot of us have been voicing our opinion on how NOT JUST THE NHL but sports as a whole can make moves to make not only women, but fans who are not just white men feel welcome. Making us feel “welcome” is a disgustingly low standard honestly. I would prefer being acknowledged and accepted as an equal rather than begrudgingly tolerated. “Welcoming” is what you do at a get together where there is forced social interactions and instead of being nice and talking to everyone you’re really just glacial and backhanded and dick around on your phone the entire time and whine the wifi is password protected. Believe me, I would know. I recognize my own behaviors.

I’m infuriated because so many have said this in so many ways for years. That article does a disservice to the countless women who have written thoughtful pieces on how hard and complicated it is being a fan of something that honestly doesn’t like you and just sees you as a walking wallet. It doesn’t acknowledge all the women who have logged so many hours writing about hockey and trying to process things passionately even if they don’t have the luxury of a massive reader base. I’m angry because no matter how women have expressed what needs to happen in a variety of tactics, they have been shoved aside and disregarded. It does not matter if I scream from the rooftops or politely hold civil discourse (and use a quiet voice) where I’ve been routinely talked over.


— "How The NHL A Better Job Of Welcoming Women” – said the man, from wrap around curl

(Source: wraparoundcurl.wordpress.com)


Die 4 U



Lana Del Rey’s sound is nostalgia for an old lie

“Darling, you can’t let everything seem so dark blue. Oh, what can I do?”

—“Black Beauty,” Lana Del Rey

The summer I was 16 and cripplingly awkward, my father’s job moved our family from Toronto to the southern U.S. After spending my whole young life in Canada, I started my first day of 10th grade at George Walton High School in East Cobb County, Georgia, and the ensuing culture shock was about as harrowing as you can imagine for an already uneasy teenage girl.

The high school of nearly 2,700 students was primarily white and Baptist, complete with daily prayer around the flagpole, pancake breakfasts for Jesus, and a Friday Night Lights–style football obsession. On game days, fully suited football players brought roses to their assigned cheerleaders, while the girls, clad in their freshly pressed red-white-and-blue uniforms, provided players with baked goods and breakfast sandwiches from Chik-fil-A. The town was famed for a 56-foot-tall steel-sided chicken statue, and for being an early adopter of evolution is just a theory stickers for its science textbooks. In one memorable round of bullying, a few other students decided I was a weirdo and a freak and threw food at me in the cafeteria while gleefully chanting insults.

The only way to suffer through 18 months in the slo-mo sport-movie montage of southern teen culture was to fetishize Americana—protests in Marietta Square and peach pies cooling on windowsills, buttery Waffle House grits and chain-smoked Marlboro Reds with bottomless diner coffee, and the appealing façade of southern hospitality. It was a bright-side approach to darkness, a juvenile fascination with the great American road trip, with drug-fueled binges for the sake of poetry and art, with Hollywood glamour and revolution and the blinking lights of Vegas—a false frontier mentality that made America seem majestic rather than menacing. Deluding myself into survival, I found something to love where there was nothing. And decades later, I’ve found that Lana Del Rey that sounds exactly like that glorious pretense. Her songs, are in essence, nostalgia for an old lie.

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"It is foolish and childish, on the face of it, to affiliate ourselves with anything so insignificant and patently contrived and commercially exploitative as a professional sports team, and the amused superiority and icy scorn that the non-fan directs at the sports nut (I know this look - I know it by heart) is understandable and almost unanswerable. Almost. What is left out of this calculation, it seems to me, is the business of caring — caring deeply and passionately, really caring — which is a capacity or an emotion that has almost gone out of our lives. And so it seems possible that we have come to a time when it no longer matters so much what the caring is about, how frail or foolish is the object of that concern, as long as the feeling itself can be saved. Naivete — the infantile and ignoble joy that sends a grown man or woman dancing and shouting with joy in the middle of the night over the haphazardous flight of a distant ball — seems a small price to pay for such a gift."

— Roger Angell, my heart.

"Sure, his size and eager style of play make him an easy target, but maybe the jokes are just a way for people to start getting close to a new and scary idea about attraction. Or maybe he’s just too much cold water in the face. A person can hang a lot of excuses on a gut: single, tired, lonely, sad, gym too embarrassing, low confidence, bad job, the list goes on. Yet there he is. Prince Fielder. Naked, his body gleaming under the lights, basking in all the public adoration. He gets paid millions to play a child’s game for a living, and he is halting and enormous, and women lust for him, and yet, there it is. His gut. And it appears to hold him back from absolutely nothing, not even the unlikely transition from baseball’s husky boy to a legitimate sex symbol."

Leigh Cowart

Download Ms. America here
"Lueke’s inclusion in the game is particularly heartbreaking because baseball is a place where I’ve gone for many years to take a break from dealing with rape trauma. Its beauty, to me, has always been rooted in its fairness and transparency. Men follow rules, perform by standards, and are ejected for disrespect. It’s a fantasy, I know, but one I’d like to maintain as an escape, and the reliable stream of people who believe Lueke doesn’t belong there is a small solace in an outside world that so often mishandles and ignores the bad deeds of men."

Josh Lueke is a Rapist You Say? Keep Saying It by Stacey May Fowles 

Thankfully, there was a muted silence at the Rays-Yankees game when Josh Lueke came to the mound. I was at Sunday’s game, and on the Ray’s side, there was a smattering of applause that I needed to believe was half-hearted to reconcile the fact that my dream team got a rapist as our relief pitcher. 

I love my scrappy team who capitalize on undervalued players to succeed, but seeing how Andrew Friedman and the rest of management frame Lueke’s rape as an “indiscretion” makes me sick. And dudebro baseball bloggers say they’re uncomfortable by its reminder -then GOOD, THAT’S THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES WHEN DISMANTLING RAPE CULTURE.  (via misterracoon)